Tuesday, October 12, 2010

On Love and Coming Out . . .

As I write this, National Coming Out day is coming to a close and I was only reminded of this because a few people on FB and Twitter announced themselves as being allies and declaring their support and solidarity with the LGBT community, including a couple of people that I had no idea were so inclined. It got me thinking (again) about the assumptions we make of people based on outwards appearances, lifestyles, political preferences, etc. It clarified for me that I too need to speak up today, because appearances are not always what they seem. And because National Coming Our day is about sharing stories and it is about love and I am in favor of both of those things.

I take for granted that those of you who have known me personally for any length of time know the majority of my personal beliefs and predilictions, including the fact that I have long considered myself queer, specifically bisexual and somewhat polyamorous, and been pretty open about it for years. And yet . . .

It dawned on me that to many of you it may be news. Not because I’ve gone out of my way to hide anything, but because as a woman who has been primarily with male partners for most of her adult life (and who has a penchant for skirts, make-up, glitter, and other high-femme accessories) I know that I read as “straight” outside of my circle of friends. I have friends in the social networking world that I haven’t seen in 20+ years and people that I have never spent much time with in person. I also know that I have been less than forthcoming with my family, mostly due to the fact that they’ve never asked ;) By the time I was fully conscious that I was queer, and that my teenage experimentation was in fact more than just experimentation, I was already immersed in a committed relationship with a boy and outing myself to my parents at that point seemed like it was being heard as “by the way, I’m a slut!”. I didn’t push it. Bisexual didn’t make sense to my old-fashioned parents because they didn’t understand why anyone would CHOOSE to experience homophobia if one didn’t have to.

And because of my lifestyle choices I have experienced very little of it. I have always lived in very progressive urban areas and to say that my community of friends was bohemian would be a bit of an understatement. I got my SF legs within the early 90’s queer community and was nourished, inspired, challenged, and transformed within it. My dalliances with women have been few and far between, but no less important for that fact. My love of and connection with women is a core part of who I am, as fundamental to my makeup as my SIcilian Catholic heritage.

So why am I writing this now? Because I am committed at this point in my life to inhabit the totality of who I am. Life is too short and too precious to worry about what others think, to let them make you feel “less than” for any reason. If people have a hard time accepting facets of my life or if they bring a righteous, judgemental, and unloving energy into my sphere they will be shown the door unceremoniously. I have plenty of people in my life who have made different religious, political and dietary choices than me and I try to hold love, acceptance and respect for their personal decisions even as I disagree with them. But I draw the line when it comes to bigotry and bullying, shaming and verbal abuse. I have the confidence to speak my truth and I am also blessed to have an incredibly diverse, supportive community around me. That said our young people do not always feel strong enough to face down the criticism, violence, and harassment on their own. They look to us for guidance and support and inspiration. Let’s show up for them.

In light of the most recent spate of gay teen suicides, of the bullying and hate crimes directed not only at our youth when they are feeling their most vulnerable, but also at the adult members of our community who want to marry and represent our country openly, I feel we all need to stand up to the haters. If you are on the queer spectrum and you can find your voice, speak up and be heard. If you are a straight ally and you have ever loved someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, kinky, polyamorous or just plain “other” in some way please stand up and be counted. Stand up against hate, stand up against hypocrisy and violence, be it in your school, church, workplace or family. Change happens moment by moment, person by person, heart to heart. Stand up and out yourself as a person who believes in the power of love to transform our challenges and create a safe space for all of us.

Love and blessings to you and yours, whomever you choose to love . . .


Monday, March 1, 2010

This is what writer's block looks like. It looks like fear. Irritation. Self-consciousness and a feeling of blankness. Feeling like one's ideas are lacking in some crucial way.

But through the help of my spiritual coach/therapist/cheerleader I am choosing to believe in the power of my creative gifts. To lean into them, to live into my most grandiose dreams one day- and one sentence- at a time. There is a part of me that feels so very damaged around my creativity and in such typical ways. I have gotten past the point of thinking in terms of being a "great writer", a "gifted painter", a great anything actually. All I really want is to grow my skills, to not completely waste what gifts I have been blessed with.

I have been absent here for days because of these fears. Fears of failing before I begin, fears of having nothing to say, having no audience, boring whoever does stumble into my small part of cyberspace.

That said, I am Leo, hear me roar. I have an inborn stubbornness that refuses to give in to complete pessimism and despair. I have, somewhere inside of me, the will and ego to believe that I have something to say and that what I do matters. To take these baby steps towards the life I wish to be living. And it is getting closer every day.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Romance and Radical Self Love, Part 1

(Painting by Tamara de Lempicka)

I'm dedicating the entire month to it, how about you?

A few of the ways I plan to woo myself and the lucky lads and lasses that cross my path:

3 beautiful long stemmed lavender roses for my writing desk. I may even add some tulips tomorrow and some freshly picked wisteria from outside.

Sipping fancy teas and homemade hot toddies with my finest whiskey and clove studded meyer lemons.

Reading poetry by Edna St. Vincent Millay and Percy Bysshe Shelley.

Baking cookies from scratch in nothing but my finest lingerie and high heels. And a cute apron ;)

Wearing perfume every day and lots of red lipstick.

Writing love letters to myself and my girlfriends.

Planning a midweek day off for a massage, gingerbread pancakes, a manicure with some blood red nailpolish and some crystal hearts.

Writing a self love manifesto along with Gala Darling and her gang.

Taking late night walks with my dog Paisley.

I'm feeling giddy just thinking about it . . .

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


What do I wish to awaken? My passion. My creative vision. Greater levels of manifestation. This is what I wish for today and for quite a few tomorrows as well. My journey this year is really about diving into my deepest yearnings and giving them voice, letting them breathe fresh air and have the chance to flourish. I just need a few reminders. Thanks Jamie . . .

Support other wishes over here.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

So very cold and tired. Turning on the little electric heater beside the bed for some warmth, and lighting a few candles hoping to diffuse the chill in the air and the feeling of darkness closing in around me tonight. I am full of so many questions but no forthcoming answers. So for now I live the questions fully. I warm myself with miso soup, a dog cuddled across my belly, and books that prod me forward, one little step at a time.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The first new moon of the year along with a solar eclipse. Apparently one of the most favorable times to set intentions and put plans into action. I got my exercise, meditated and spent time writing, ate vegan, had a heart to heart with my partner and tried to get clear about my dreams and goals for the coming year. One thing that keeps appearing on that list is to revive the blog I started @5 years ago and abandoned after 6 months.

Well here is my intention and here is my commitment. Hopefully I'll weave together the elements of my life, thoughts, obsessions in a way that is useful to me and interesting to others.

It is here that I begin to gather and reassemble the fragments of myself that have gotten scattered over the last few years. Here is my hope that I am able to locate them like Isis gathering Osiris' body parts and singing an incantation over them to create wholeness, to revive her lover. May this blog be my song, a call to self-love, self-healing, and self-expression. A spell to revive and reinvent . . .